From Self-suspension to domination: AN INTERVIEW WITH SHIBARI ARTIST AND PRO DOMME, TRIXIE LAPOINTE
If you’ve attended any events in the NYC kink scene, chances are you’ve witnessed Trixie LaPointe in her element—artfully suspending a willing partner in breathtaking displays of creativity and trust. Société Anonyme sat down with Trixie to dive into her journey, uncover her inspirations, and learn about her vision for the future of rope bondage and beyond.
Société Anonyme: For those who don’t know you, can you share a little about yourself? What first drew you to the world of domi- nation, and how did you discover your love for shibari?
Trixie: My name is Trixie LaPointe. I have been in the NYC kink scene since January 2018. I had dipped my toe into the swinger world before that, but was more drawn towards exploring kink. I had been following a couple rope accounts on instagram for awhile and was really obsessed with Kiss Me Deadly Doll. I loved watching her perform but I was also really inspired by her self suspensions. I explored a few places for kink parties, my favorite being Marcus’ gorgeous gallery space in Brooklyn. The first time I was in rope was in that space. I was suspended by a really lovely latex-loving, crossdressing older man named Water Lily. It was such a gentle and encouraging introduction to rope. His sweet wife even gave me chocolates after. That space was also where I was inspired by a domme formerly known as Mistress Couple. Watching her eating popcorn from a bowl held by a man in front of her; his head bowed down while she softly and repeatedly kicked him in the balls looked like a dream.
SA: Can you walk us through your journey of learn- ing rope bondage? What were some key moments or challenges you faced along the way?
T: After that first suspension in rope, my obsession got really intense. I went home and ordered 100 feet of cotton rope (lol) and started tying myself every night. There weren’t as many avenues for learning at that time, so I spent a lot of time on youtube. Soon after I got my first full ropes kit from My Nawashi. I was able to take a few classes and started attend- ing ropes jams. I found a rope top and focused on bottoming for sus- pension as well as self tying. We would find photos that inspired us and try to figure out how they were tied. We were both learning a lot all the time - even if it wasn’t all accurate information.
There were a lot of challenges in my first 6 months of rope but I came out of it loving self suspension and tying others. I treated self tying as self care. Self suspension as a way to gain independence and confidence. I was coming out of a really terrible and unsafe relationship, and rope helped facilitate healing my connection to my body and my boundaries.
SA: You’ve been part of the community for a while now. What are some common mis- conceptions people have about shibari and BDSM in general?
T: The biggest one for me in the beginning was the assumption that rope or kink and sex are connected. Sometimes in a negotiation with someone that is newer to kink, they won’t mention that they are interested in something sexual and just assume that it’s always an unsaid goal. Then they will try to make something about our scene sexual and I have to explain to them that it’s not connected for me. I get a huge amount of sensual connection and fulfill- ment from kink, and occasionally it can lead to something sexual - but that is not the goal for me.
SA: One of the things I love about BDSM is how it allows for so much creativity—it’s like a dance between art and the thrill of danger, whether real or perceived. Since shibari is both an art form and a form of restraint, how do you balance aesthetics with safety and control?
T: I think the aesthetics were able to come once I had the safety down. I had to feel confident in my ties, my tension and my technical skills before I could have flow. I have to be really honest with where I am at in that moment as well.If I am a little tired or I don’t feel 100% confident tying the person, I might keep things a little more simple. Sometimes it’s our first tie together, or they have a lot of physical limitations that I need to be mindful of so I need to keep things close to the ground. I need to trust that the people I am tying understand their bodies and the risks of bondage before I can really let go and be more artful with my tie.
SA: Shibari creates such a unique physical challenge between the top and bottom. How would you describe the psychological connection it builds compared to other forms of domination?
T: Sometimes it feels like I am tying someone and we are completely connected to each other. Other times it feels like they are going on their own little journey inside themselves while in my rope. I feel much less in control of the narrative when I am topping for rope than I do in an impact scene or when I am playing in a d/s dynamic with a client. I feel like things are sometimes not as clear physically either. When I hit someone with a cane at their limit, I can see their body twist or jump. If the ropes are pinching someone, I might have no visible evidence that they are uncomfortable. It requires a lot of communication and trust.
SA: You’ve performed everywhere from our Société parties to big stages like House of Yes. How do you stay inspired and keep evolving your rope skills? Are there any mentors or influences who have helped shape your style?
T: I think I might be a little bit less goal oriented these days and am just enjoying the ride. I always have more to learn and more to improve, but I feel like I have a really nice flow with the folks I tie, and that feels really special. The last intensive I took was with Tamandua and I am still feeling the reverberations of sharing space with him. I feel so relaxed when I tie, like I’m taking a deep breath every time I pull my rope. I feel so focused and connected to the bottom. I think my favorite part of performing is showing that flow and trust. I recorded a whole little mini documentary type thing that really gets into all the people who have influenced my rope, that I hope I can share sometime soon. The big ones though are Kiss Me Deadly Doll, Bondagious and Thumper, Tam, Fuoco, Marcos Magnani, Banana and Leif and Icky. I feel like my rope style and skills are just a culmination of all the little tidbits that I have taken from everyone I have studied with or watched tie. I am also greatly influenced by Reiki and the training that I have there. I have been practicing Reiki for almost 6 years and I can feel it a lot when I tie.
SA: As a Dom, I’m really interested in that balance between being fully immersed in the creative flow while also staying tuned in to the safety and emotional well-being of the person I’m tying. How do you manage that balance in your own work?
I try my best to be subtle with my checkins. They are always necessary, even with folks that I tie a lot. I think it’s really important to get to know your bottoms and how they communicate. Once I know someone will advocate for themselves if something isn’t right, or I get to know their sounds of stress, I can relax more into flow.
SA: I feel like as our kink identities evolve, that sense of confidence and growth naturally spills into other areas of life. How has your experience with shibari influenced you per- sonally and professionally?
T: I have learned a lot about myself through being a rope top and having people trust me with their safety. Sometimes the faith that my bottoms have in me will hold me up when I feel like my skills are looking a bit rusty. Being a professional dominant has spilled into all areas of my life.
I am more comfortable standing up for myself, being clear about my boundaries and saying my favorite word NO.
SA: BDSM is such a personal journey—aside from consent and safety, there really aren’t any set rules. We each bring who we are into our practice. What do you think sets you apart as a dominatrix specializing in rope? How do you bring your personality into your work?
T: One of the things I was told early on when I started my journey as a professional dominant was “you can do what I do, but you can never be me.” I was coming from the burlesque world, where it felt like every thin, tattooed, brunette was going to take my gig if they were “better” than me in any way. The world of d/s is so different and connecting with a domme is so subjective. When people come to see me, a lot of the time we are connecting in a collaborative way. I am open to exploring things with them, rather than having a set agenda. There are moments where I am silly and kind and others where I am stern and intense. I look at a session as a culmination of what I offer and what they respond to. I love to read energy and play in waves. Bringing intensity and following it with deep care.
SA: Looking back on your journey so far, what are the moments you’re most proud of? And what are your goals for 2025 and beyond in the world of BDSM and shibari?
T: I have been on such a wild ride the last 7 years. My fondest memories are the moments that were I created something special with someone else. Making a cozy rope room at a strip club with Sydona for Nasty Baby right before Covid hit. Tying my longest running rope partner Mikayla in an old mansion for an event with Chemistry. Tying my friend A at an event at Le Bain, overlooking the city. I am also so proud of the path I have taken with teaching. I LOVE seeing new folks learn a tie or get excited about how rope feels as a top or a bottom. I love the questions people ask and how it helps me modify how I teach to help more folks understand. My goal this year is to start offering more small classes at my studio La Maison Privée that focus on rope as well as domination skills. There are a lot of hard skills that I have worked on over the years that I would love to share. I am also very interested in the psychology behind people’s connec- tion to kink and how to empower people through this type of play. My goals with rope in particular is to continue being a safe place for people to explore rope for the first time. I want to continue to improve my skills but also my flow and connection to people. I can’t wait to see what the next 7 years has in store for me.
FOR MORE ABOUT TRIXIE
IG: @Trixielapointe
